Over the years, I’ve put together a home theater with a big screen, great sound and quality seating. I no longer go to public theaters. During that time, based on quite a few excursions to public theaters, a number of notable disadvantages consequent to public theatergoing have become clear to me:

  • No ability to pause — bathroom breaks and snack fetches cause content to be missed
  • Unclean public bathrooms — not interested in sharing my bathroom breaks, or having to wait
  • Ridiculously expensive snacks, and usually they suck balls anyway
  • People spilling their drinks, providing un-asked-for shoe washing
  • People smacking their lips over their popcorn or whatever, and/or loudly chewing with their mouths open like insufficiently socialized 3-year olds
  • Children (and adults) who interfere with the experience by crying and/or sobbing and/or just general yapping
  • Over-sharing: coughs, sneezes, B.O., bad breath, perfume overloads (why do so many old ladies drench themselves in perfume? One of life’s great mysteries…)
  • Theater ads and admonitions are incredibly obnoxious
  • You can’t replay — or skip — previews
  • The watch-once-with-strangers nature of a theater ticket as opposed to the watch-many-times-with-family-and/or-friends nature of a blu-ray
  • You’re stuck with their schedule, not yours
  • Crying babies, babbling teenagers, any and all generally loud and obnoxious theatergoers
  • The inability to go back and replay a part of the movie when the dialog is so poorly miked and/or spoken that you can’t understand it easily (all too common)
  • Somewhere to drive to when there’s actually no need to drive
  • Waiting in lines. For tickets. For snacks. For the bathroom, for crying out loud.
  • Trying to find parking
  • The possibility of poor viewing angles/distances
  • Uncomfortable and non-cuddly seating
  • Then there are the idiots who don’t turn off their phones, or sit there with the damned things glaring in the corner of my eye
  • Theaters can’t compete with the resale value of a blu-ray if the film turns out to be something you don’t favor