Archive for category Humor

News at 11

Dateline: Millions of light years (even faster parsecs than the Kessel run)

Lede: Scientists in the Dark; Does it Matter?

Today scientists announced that they can’t see anything happening with stuff they can’t see, but think is there, because otherwise the math is no good. After receiving directions to his laboratory on the phone, I went to see an authority on dark matter.

During the interview, Dr. Seemore Lichspittle told this Any Paper, Any Time reporter that the thing about dark matter that one has to understand is that “it goes to eleven.” When confronted with the observation that the sensing instruments only had scales from 0-10, he responded “Yes, yes, that’s exactly it. The numbers… the numbers only work out in the dark. When the instruments are off. Matter of fact, it’s all dark, really.”

At that point the interview was cut short as two lab assistants in white coats hustled Dr. Lichspittle into his own custom white lab jacket. Late for an important meeting, no doubt. As he left, nodding, he called back “it’s really quite dark.” Food for thought!

Leaving Arkham, I was struck by the picturesque beauty of the stonework, and very appreciative of the tight security. We can rest easy, knowing that national treasures like Dr. Lichspittle work in such a safe enviroment.

Just a story from /dev/random

the-zaWhen I was a kid, we had a wonderful, wonderful pizza place about 9 miles away from home called Nedzip’s Pizza. It was on Front Street in the little town of Port Jervis, NY. This pizza was, and I am so, so serious here, just the best. Perfect every time.

So this one time, my mother and I were out in the car waiting for our order, across the street a little bit diagonal to the pizza place, right next to the Texas Hot Dog emporium. A roller grill, the usual range of hot dog goodness, but after all… hot dogs. We were not there for hot dogs. It was summer, and our windows were down.
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Looking for some good TV?

Broadcast television is, in my opinion, kind of like the badlands of North Dakota. Occasionally pretty to look at, absolutely treacherous to wander around in, and the source of nothing of concrete value whatsoever.

Having said that, I have found the following efforts, uniformly produced by non-broadcast concerns, to be well worth the watching. In no particular order:

  • The Sopranos
  • Firefly (sadly, an incomplete series)
  • Weeds
  • Dexter
  • The Daily Show
  • Six Feet Under
  • Enterprise

That’s pretty much it. Just thought I’d drop this as heads-up for anyone who wasn’t aware of one or more of those shows; I’ve really enjoyed them, and so has Deb.

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Introducing Undercruiser and Fish

I’ve decided to publish a comic strip. For the time being, I’ll just be uploading it to my flickr account.

Presuming my creativity bump doesn’t deliquisce into a mound of quivering dysfunction, the plan is to build a web site around it and give it a home of its own. In the mean time, please feel free to visit my flickr account and check it out. Comments welcome!

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The Economy

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Robots? Oh yes, there WILL be robots…

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Cats: Who's running this show, anyway?

On Feline Adoption

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Uh… no thanks

So, I get a lot of spam. I tend to scan the subjects, just in case the spam filter has been overzealous. Don’t want to miss anything from a long-lost friend, etc.

Now, you know these spammers want you to try something. They want you to check out Viagra, Vicodin, all kinds of things. I’m used to that; I even understand, in a resentful, get-out-of-my-face kind of way. I’m fairly open-minded, too, so the sexually oriented ones don’t bother me any more than the exhortations to buy herbal tea. So I skim the subjects several times a day, no particular reaction.

But today… today, there’s one entitled: “Free colon cleanse samples”

No. Just, no. I definitely don’t want any of those. The mind boggles.

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