Today is a good day to remember the true spirit of the pilgrims. They would occasionally take a day off from shaming community members in the town square stocks and recreational witch-burning to deliver typhus-infected blankets to the native American Indians nearby, in the fond hope that they be decimated under the loving eyes of God, consequent to the long European tradition of biological warfare against those one would prefer go away. Lest you think the Pilgrim’s work ethic be implicated here, know you that from time to time, they would also organize and do their very best to commit genocide on the local Indian populations in fine traditional fashion, utilizing both sharp and blunt objects – stabbing Indians was equally as well regarded as bludgeoning. In addition, Indian men, women and children received equal consideration in this matter, so you can see that this is truly a multi-dimensional egalitarianism. This may be regarded as one of the true seeds of American fairness.

These are true facts. If this is not how you regard Thanksgiving, perhaps you should re-examine your knowledge of history. Google for UAINE and/or the Wampanoag tribe. Spend a few minutes reading up on actual pilgrim practices.

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